For context, here are some of the cast of characters:
Bri – my wife
Max – my son who is almost 21 months old. That's him below in his Halloween costume.
Owen – my newborn
I’ve been thinking a lot about how different having a second child is than having a first. While having Owen at this age is no walk in the park – no newborn is – it’s so much easier than when Max was this age. With Max, Bri and I literally had no idea what to do. You leave the hospital, where you are surrounded by nurses and doctors at all times and after two days you go home, where you have each other, some advice books on the shelf, and our own parents on the phone. So to repeat, we had no idea what we were doing. What if the baby isn’t feeding? He’s sleeping a lot, is that ok? He’s not sleeping at all this afternoon, what’s up with that? What is that noise that just came from his diaper area? That can’t be normal – but what if it is? Is that rash getting worse? Is that sound normal? Why is he crying all the time? Are we supposed to feel this exhausted? Should the umbilical cord have fallen off by now? How do you give a newborn a bath? Do you really need to? Why is he crying – and not stopping? He has a fever, but is it high enough to be worried?
Dealing with the actual challenges is bad enough, but what is worst is the fact that you have nothing to compare it to you. This is your first child and making sure he is healthy and happy is sort of a big deal, so of course you worry. And you simply don’t have the experience to know if that rash actually is a big deal or something that will just go away. And you don’t have the context to know that there are going to be days and nights when a 3-week old cries a lot and there's not much you can do to stop if, but that it will get better.
Making any connections to being a new teacher? As you’re well aware, being a new teacher is hard and one of the hardest parts is that you don’t have experience or context that you’ll have in the future. It can be hard to tell how to handle every situation you’re going to face, what situation is a big deal (and which just seems that way), or have the confidence that a challenge is going to get better. And just like being a new parent, when you don’t know the answer and don’t know what to expect, new teachers get worried and stressed.
New teachers start to feel this more in October and November, as the honeymoon phase wears off and you begin to see some of the more long-term challenges you’re facing. Yes, that student really does have really loud tantrums on a regular basis, teaching at the end of the day is challenging, and weekends don’t ever seem long enough. And you start to worry about if those challenges are ever going to get better and if the issue is something you could be or should be doing better. And what makes it even harder is you don’t have the experience to know what it’s going to be like in two weeks or two months.
I hate to break it to you, but there is no fast forwarding to get the experience that you’re craving. There is no way to take the accumulated wisdom that fills the brains of our veteran teachers on staff and pour it into your heads. You only get that wisdom and experience by living it each day, learning from what goes well (and doesn’t) and stealing great ideas from those around you.
What can you do in the meantime?
- Know that this is path that millions of teachers have taken before you including everyone else on staff. Every single first year teacher has wondered if something they are struggling with is going to get better. Every single one.
- Learn something each day. The good news is you don’t have to wait until next year to grow – each day you get another chance to take a new approach or try something again. Not to mention, each day is a chance to learn something from your mentor teacher and other staff. You will have more experience, knowledge and confidence two weeks from now and even more in two months. And just wait till next year!
- Use the people around you. Bounce ideas and thoughts off your mentor teachers, your grade level chairs, Betsy (our AP), me, each other and anyone else on staff. Every single person around you would love to help you think through a challenge but we can only do that if you let us. Part of what makes the Co-Teacher program work is we don’t kick you out of the hospital after 2 days with your new students. You get to be surrounded by experts all year long – so make sure you’re using them.
- Remember the Stockdale Paradox that Marc (our CEO at KIPP Philly) talked about at the all-region session this summer. We need to be honest with what is going well and what is not, but to never lose faith that we will reach our goals. Don’t be afraid to admit that something isn’t going as well as you want, but never doubt for a second that with hard work and clear thinking it will get better.
And as a former new teacher and now as a former first-time parent, I can tell you that this uncertainty and doubt about what is coming next gets better. With Owen, we don’t worry because we know that really is what he sounds like when you burp him after a feeding, that he is going to be wide awake from 11pm-1am each night, and that you don’t actually need to give a kid a bath for at least a few weeks.
In the same way, trust that this period of uncertainty will pass and you’ll soon know what’s normal, what’s not, and what to do about it. And as you work to build that experience, keep doing what you do every day so well, which is help our kids start their climb up that mountain to college. You all are doing a great job and I can’ wait to see what’s next for you all.
