One of My Favorite Books

If you're reading this piece, you've probably already read the great NYT piece on three college students from Galveston, TX and their bumpy road trying to not only make it to college, but to graduate. Lots of smart people have already responded to the piece and there's not much more that I have to add. But the piece did contain some quotes from a UPenn sociologist named Annette Lareau who wrote one of my favorite education/parenting books, called Unequal Childhoods. This is my pitch to convince you to read it.

• Lareau's work is grounded in hundreds of hours of field work with real families from a variety of races and classes. These rich experiences allows her to get past easy stereotypes, pop-psychology analysis, and judgement rooted in classism and racism that often mar these important conversations. In other words, she's not Ruby Payne.    

• The thesis of the book is that different social classes (and because of the segregation inherent in our American society, different races) raise their children in different ways. This argument verges on stereotyping, but Lareau walks this delicate line really well in the book. To summarize a complex argument, Lareau finds that poor and working class families parent with an idea of "natural growth" where kids are basically who they are and a parent's main responsibility is to keep them safe and happy. On the other hand, middle and upper class families practice what Lareau calls "concerted cultivation" where parents take an incredibly active role in bringing out the potential of their child. As a quick example, a child from a parent from a poorer family will likely only sign up her son for the age group basketball team if he really asks to, while a parent from a middle or upper class family is likely to sign a child up for the basketball team even if the child isn't that interested because it will be "good for him". Middle class families are looking for how to develop their kids and prepare them for what's next, while lower income families are more interested in kids being happy kids.

• Where the book is so valuable is Lareau's steadfast even-handedness in comparing and contrasting the two parenting styles and the effects of each on children. Wealthier families expose their children to more cultural experiences, advocate for them more in school, and sign their children up for more organized sports or dance classes. Children from poorer families have much closer relationships with their families, are less stressed out from constantly bouncing from activity to activity, and learn to be more independent at an earlier age. While both styles of parenting have their advantages, Lareau argues (like she does in the NYT article) that the skills wealthier children learn, like being able to advocate for yourself to get what you need from large institutional systems, are better matched with what is needed to be a successful adult in the United States in 2012. In other words, kids from more affluent families are taught to play the game. 

• When I read this book with my educator hat on, I think about things like how to teach my students to have the confidence that will allow them to go to the financial aid office at their college when they think something is wrong with their bill or how to engage our families at KPEA so we make our school a place they feel confident asking questions of teachers and being a real partner in this work. As a parent, I think about how not to be some of the more affluent families in the book, who are full of busy, unhappy adults and kids running non-stop from activities they think will give their children an "advantage" in life. I think about how to help my children have the right amount of self-confidence without being entitled. I think about how to make sure they have the unstructured time to just be a kid.

I've barely done justice to the book and the deep implications for parents, teachers, and school leaders. I can't recommend it enough.